MY FIRST experience of pornography was when I found one of my father’s magazines. At 13 years old, I was beginning to discover my sexuality and the images helped to satisfy my desires.

At this time of my life I didn’t know God’s closeness in any way and my conscience was in no way troubled. What started as an occasional cheap softporn thrill became a daily hardcore obsession and I started to buy videos as well as magazines and use the internet.

Somewhere along the way, I made a conscious decision that porn was fulfilling my need for the opposite sex in a greater way than a partner ever could. Of course this was a lie. The more I saw, the more I wanted. As the years passed and the UK relaxed its laws on pornography, I needed to see more and more explicit material to be satisfied.

I married but pornography was still an obsession to me. At one point, when my wife was away, I used the opportunity to soothe what had grown from my little private fantasy into an uncontrollable, burning addiction. In an insane act, I travelled all the way to Amsterdam for the day, just to buy one video. My relationships with friends became adversely affected and my mind became twisted. I had become a pervert.

Then Jesus came into my life. There was no miraculous healing, Jesus just offered me a great reason to question the direction my life was taking. He made me realise that I was no longer in control and that I had to find a will to change.

I’ve been free from this addiction for several years, now, and I’m recovering those parts of my personality that used to be so badly marked by it.