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| The evangelistic newspaper of the modern Jesus Army | 2001 |
I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF
This heart-breaking poem is based on the real experience of a young woman
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A little girl inside of me,
wanting to be me,
A little girl inside of me,
wanting to be free.
I hate myself, I hate my life,
I wish I had a big, sharp knife.
So many times I've wished to die,
A small person inside of me,
Too scared to cry.
The end is coming closer,
My life shall soon be gone;
No-one knows how I feel inside.
If only I could open up,
lean on someone and cry!
I try to hide my heartache and pain,
No-one knows how many times
I've broken down in shame.
Feel my heartcry, my emptiness
I'm lonely, I'm lost,
Feeling failure, full of pain
I'm longing to start again.
My life seems like one big game.
I turned to drugs and drink,
And go out and pinch,
Always messed up, sad and down.
Where should I go
If all this doesn't end soon,
my wrists I'll have to slash.
I thought about God,
decided to put Him to the test
"God reach out and touch me,
My life I can no longer bear;
I want to be part of You,
a fighter for Your holy name.
I want You to love me,
I'm longing for Your care;
Peace will just be there."
A full moon's out, big and light,
Stars shining down on me so bright.
I've been reborn,
strengthened and loved.
I feel His movements,
His loving, His care,
His Holy Spirit's pouring everywhere.
I picture the cross with You up there;
It's far too hurtful, too hard to bear:
God went through this just for us!
He cares.
I just want to serve and worship You
You give a new life, a direction, an aim,
I want to spread Your holy name.
God's never given up on me,
His love constantly fills,
as He opens His heart to mine.
He wipes my sins and healed my sores.
I love You
- my Father, my future, my all.
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The poem is a heartfelt cry from a youngster whose life was in a mess. Through the degradation that she felt, she found God. It speaks of God's light coming into her life as soon as she had cried out to God.
This light doesn't just light up our hearts and show us our sin but also reveals God's glory, God's hope and the great love that God has for us.
'Red' is one of the tracks on the music tape/cd 'I know you know' from the modern Jesus army
You can play this track on RealAudio
Nails in his hands
Nails in his feet
Spear in his side
Oh, i've seen him bleed
Blood that dripped down
From the thorns in his head
That's what i saw
I saw red...
...Red is the colour of a wounded part
Red is the colour of love
Red is the colour of a broken heart
Red is the colour of love
NCCC © 1999 Jesus Fellowship Songs
This article has been extracted from Streetpaper, published by Jesus Fellowship
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